Episode #58 - I'll love you...'til I don't?

I was listening to music this morning when it started playing a suggested track from a band I had never heard before called LANY. The sound was nice, but the words had a terrible message behind them. Essentially, the song was him telling his fiancé or wife, "I'll never say forever, I'll just love you until I don't." You've got to be kidding me. No wonder we have so many failed marriages today. Well...the greatest commandment is to love God & love others, we understand that love is a choice. You do not "fall out of love", at some point when that happens it's because you made the choice to no longer love and rather be selfish. We must choose love.  

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Transcript

Welcome back to all of our listeners! I’m BJ Sipe, and you’re listening to the Set Your Mind Above podcast – where everyday ordinary events teach us extraordinary eternal truths. I’m so glad that you’ve tuned in today, I am excited to share my life and my faith with you, and I sure hope that you’ll do the same with me along the way. 

I love music, even though I am not all that gifted with it personally. For me, music is like a second language – it is such a powerful way to touch people’s hearts in a way that mere words cannot. Music moves the soul. I am almost always listening to some kind of music, unless I’m listening to a podcast. While I’m driving, showering, working, mowing the yard, you get the idea. A lot of people use Spotify to stream their music or Apple Music, but we really have enjoyed using YouTube music for all of our streaming needs. There are two features that I really love about these kind of streaming programs – the first is the ability to filter out explicit music. I have absolutely no interest in listening to music from any artist, no matter how popular or talented, that is full of all kinds of vulgarity and profanity. Half the time a song will be playing on the radio somewhere and I’ll have no idea what it is, even though it apparently was a “top hit” for the past 6 months. I just completely stay away from it, and choose not to put those kinds of messages into my mind & heart. The second feature that I enjoy is the recommendation feature. Similar to Pandora, after you have finished listening to your single or an album you enjoy, YouTube music gives you the option to continue listening to artists that it would recommend based on your style and genre taste in music. Sometimes it has really hit the nail on the head and introduced me to artists like the Tesky Brothers, Gregory Alen Isakov, or Surfaces. Usually I have no problems with what it suggests and starts playing next since I have explicit music turned off, however that does not always mean the message behind the song (though technically clean) is a good message. Well, that happened this morning. I was getting ready for the day and listening to some of my music when it started playing a suggested track from a group called, “LANY” who I had never heard of. Their sound was good, and at first I really wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics as I was changing. But then the chorus came, and I stopped and shook my head as I reached to change the song. Let me share the lyrics with you, and you can tell me if you can spot the problem with the message behind this song. “Gonna give my all, see how far this can go. Gonna be there for you through the highs and lows. But I’ll never say forever ‘cause there’s too much we don’t know, but I promise that I’ll love you…promise that I’ll love you ‘til I don’t.” Are you kidding me? Is this some kind of a joke? You don’t realize how awful this is until you take it out of the music and the harmonies. Imagine some guy who’s been dating a girl for a while and they get engaged and they’re writing their vows. He get’s up in front of this woman that he’s marrying and starts reading his vows and says, “I’m going to give it my all, I guess we’ll see how far it goes. For better or for worse…well, not forever though, I’ll never commit to that. But I’ll love you until I don’t anymore.” How’s that bride going to respond? I’ll tell you what, I would have been left right there at the alter if I had said something like that. But here is the sad nature of how people approach marriage today – though they might not say these words out loud or in their vows, it’s actually what they mean. To the many, love is simply an emotion that they claim you have no control over. So if you “fall out of love”, it’s never your fault – it just wasn’t meant to be. As such, marriage almost never lasts anymore. According to world population review, about 90% of people in Western cultures marry by age 50. But in the United States specifically, about 50% of married couples divorce, which is the sixth-highest divorce rate in the world. Second and third marriages have an even higher divorce rate as 60% of second marriages end in divorce, and 73% of all third marriages end in divorce. Why is this the case? Well, maybe it has something to do with these kinds of messages that are being pumped into people through music, movies, etc. Don’t ever commit to someone, that’s impossible. Just love someone until you don’t, then leave. 

When you open up the pages of Scripture, we learn something very important about love, and that is that love is not merely an emotion, but that love is a choice. To say, “I will love you until I don’t” more honestly should be said as, “I’ll love you until I choose not to anymore.” Let’s look at this from several angles. First, we are commanded to love. In fact, it is the greatest commandment. Jesus is asked in Matthew 22:36-40, “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” God is a just and righteous God, and he would not command us to do something that is impossible for us to do or that we have no control over. Learning how to love as God loves is the highest expression of knowing God and following him. In love, we choose to lay aside our wants and desires and choose to place the interests and needs of others in front of our own. We serve them and not merely ourselves. It is others centered, not self-centered. The problem in our culture is that when things get difficult or require sacrifice, people are no longer willing to love. They will love so long as it is easy or costs them next to nothing, but such actions are not really love. But how do you practically learn to love someone always without fail? Let’s consider the different applications of love as seen in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” Consider the different qualities of love as expressed here by Paul. Patience is a choice, and since love is patient, love is a choice. When you choose to be patient with someone rather than being quick to anger or give up, you are choosing love. Kindness is a choice, and since love is kind, love is a choice. When you choose to be kind to others rather than responding in a rude, condescending, or passive aggressive way, you are actually choosing love. You can go through this whole list, but the climax is really found in Paul’s words when he says, “Love does not insist on it’s own way.” Love is not selfish, and selfishness is at the root of every failed marriage or failed relationship. Along the way, someone made a choice to no longer love and rather to be selfish. They were selfish with the budget, or selfish by seeking out intimacy from someone other than their spouse, or selfish by abusing substances or even their family. Marriages do not just end, and people do not just fall out of love…at some point one or both made the choice to stop loving and be selfish. My friends, this is not the way that God designed for things to be. Love is a choice, and today in your relationship with God and with others, make the decision to be selfless and choose love. 

Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode. Tune in, Tuesday-Fridays, as a new podcast episode will be uploaded each day. Also, be sure to follow the Facebook page for the Set Your Mind Above podcast for future announcements and video sessions. As you have the opportunity, share these thoughts with your friends and family, and share with me what important lessons you are learning from every day, ordinary events. Until next time know that I love you, that God loves you, and may we all each and every day set our minds above.